new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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