remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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