nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize