Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
