it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
