Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
