i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
