Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
