I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
