So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
