So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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