I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
