i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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