I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
