I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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