Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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