You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
