dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
