I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
