Kiss
Puke
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize