It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
