Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
