I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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