Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
