I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
