man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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