My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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