i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
