im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
