): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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