So drunk its hurt
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize