Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize