ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

  Fav 34 4957 1257

  share tweet
  

• (323): View more from California

  question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line

  Fav 38 2961 1219

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

  Fav 49 5614 2534

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

  Fav 20 6527 1048

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

  Fav 6 3646 1151

  share tweet
  

• (337): View more from Louisiana

  How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

  Fav 6 3045 1093

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

  Fav 11 3037 1086

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.

  Fav 5 1080 1401

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?

  Fav 1 1311 919

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?

  Fav 21 1205 645

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.

  Fav 1 567 505

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (256): View more from Alabama

  Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement

  Fav 0 464 315

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.

  Fav 0 10 27

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there

  Fav 0 26 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics

  Fav 0 50 16

  share tweet
  

Randomize