i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
