Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
