I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
