when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
