if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fuck appropriateness.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
