My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
false alarm, still single
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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