I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
