ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
