Where is the hickey?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
