You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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