You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
