ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
