one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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