dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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