mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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