i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
