Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
