New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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