I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
