I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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