So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
