i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
