You work out of a Hotel?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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