Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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