I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
where am i from again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
