we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
