it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
