Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
