Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
