Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
