When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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