Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
