his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
