nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
