cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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