Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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