someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
