Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
