he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize