Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
