The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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