I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My ass is underappreciated
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
