i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
