Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
