The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You may now shotgun with the bride
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
