You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
