i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
