Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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