11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize