i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Randomize
