i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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