You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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