Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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