Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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