At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I will die if light touches me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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