Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
